I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
