I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
