just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
