So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
