Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
