Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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