Already got asked if we're dating
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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