You really coming over, don't trick.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
