My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
