Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
