How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize