i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
