i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
