i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
