Already got asked if we're dating
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
