Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
