at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She's the barista slut.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
