He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
