You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
