and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
