I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
