my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
