I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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