is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
