I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
