god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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