He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
