the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
