I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
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