Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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