somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
