I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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