If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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