Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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