My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
