Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
