I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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