i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
