chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
