I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
