my sisters under your porch take her home
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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