But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
