our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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