Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
