plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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