we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
