I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
