I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
