The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
