i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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