Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
