let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
